A Glimpse & A Peek (P.S. I’m still alive)

AStoriedStyle.com

Hello dear Readers, I am happy to tell you I am alive.

I am so sorry for my absence, really I am, and I have missed you, especially the last few days.

These past two weeks have been the longest I have gone without blogging in over two years.  It made me feel really strange at first, and then you kind of realize, the world goes on.  Not that I expect it not to, but us multi-taskers get rather set in our ways, do we not?  We do this, then we do this, then we do this.  And we have to do it.  We must do it.  But sometimes you have a surgery, and you simply cannot multi-task.  You can’t do anything, except lay on the couch and stare at the pretty 1920’s windows in your home.  (we have a pair of these stained glass windows in what we call the “Library”, aren’t they lovely?)  Also, laying on the couch staring at windows sounds nice only if you feel good.

Earlier today, as I finally waded through accumulated emails, I received one from a concerned reader wondering why I had been “vague” about my surgeries.  It’s a good question, and I have not been mum about it for any other reason except I try to keep it light-hearted around these parts.  I know plenty of you out there are hurting and going through hard things.  There’s bad news and problems everywhere, right?  I like to think that you can spend a few minutes each day with me, reading about pretty things, and creativity, and inspirational design, and maybe you can slide out of the real world for just a minute.  I like this to be a “feel good” time for you.

However, I also understand that you read here, and you are invested.  It makes sense that you would want to know what is going on – or you are simply curious.  So here’s the deal…I developed a hernia in my abdomen after my fourth baby.  I ignored it for awhile until it got to the point where it would pop out and bring me to my knees.  At that point, I knew I needed surgery, and I went to the doctor, and he told me it needed to happen right away.  After the initial hernia repair, I developed a liter size hematoma (blood clot), and that is when everything went wrong.  I had the hematoma removed, but I still continued to have problems, resulting in more surgeries.  Since I noticed I was still having problems, I changed doctors, and had a new cat scan which highlighted the need for further attention.  Two weeks ago, I had my sixth surgery in the past year to fix all of this.  By that Friday night, I was once again in the operating room, having an emergency surgery to remove more blood clots.  Less than forty eight hours later, I had what felt like the stomach flu and was very ill.

As much as I thought I could rest easy and still manage life and blog from the sofa, I was rendered completely useless.  I felt so terrible.  And I knew the right thing to do was just rest.  Just lay down and stare at windows.  Watch TV.  Put the phone and computer away.  Of course, since I felt so bad and had no ability to do much of anything anyways, this was much easier.  Thankfully, I have amazing friends, an awesome husband, and a couple of sweet babysitters who have helped take care of the kids while I recuperated.  I have really missed being a Mommy.

These past two and a half weeks have felt much longer – I feel like I have been down at least a month.  I missed the peach blossoms on our peach trees, my sweet boys first baseball game, and I have had to put client projects and freelance writing on hold.  With previous surgeries, I have always asked, “When can I get back to life?, When can I do this?  When can I do that?”, and then as soon as that deadline hit, I was off running.  My approach this go-around is going to be quite different.  I plan on easing into life and taking my time.  I need to gift myself that, I think.   I’m learning more and more about how making myself a priority is better for everyone.  Don’t we forget that all too often?  Last year, I realized I never really had time to not think about anything.  I was constantly thinking in my head about all sorts of things, I had to.  I think it’s good (and important!) to give yourself time to think about nothing, to let your mind wander.  I have since cleared out my life and realized more of my limitations.  But eeks, limitations is a difficult word for me to say.  I often feel like I can do anything, but I can’t, and even if I could, “everything permissible is not beneficial”, yes?

My family is my first priority, and I realize so deeply how wonderful I have it to have them – to have a husband that loves me and four beautiful, spirited kids to teach and cultivate and care for.  The magnitude of this blessing grips me so tightly at times that I am momentarily filled with fear of losing them.  Do you have those moments?  I’m so thankful I can trust my gifts with the One who gave them to me.

I could go on and on, but here is a peek into what has been going on and a glimpse into my heart.  I hope that wherever Life finds you today that you hug your loved ones a little tighter, that you allow yourself to feel grateful for things we often take for granted like legs to walk on and eyes to see, and that you let yourself have the time to let your mind wander.

See you next week.

Written by Grace

47 Responses to “A Glimpse & A Peek (P.S. I’m still alive)”

  1. Elizabeth March 28, 2014 at 8:12 am #

    What a beautifully written post. Wow…So sorry to hear all you have been through! Praying for complete healing!!!

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:37 pm #

      Elizabeth, thank you so much! I was really nervous to put all of that info out into the public world, but I felt it appropriate to explain a little of what has been happening over the past year. Although I have gotten some negative feedback, I have also gotten a lot of positive notes. I will focus on that. 🙂 Thanks for reading, G

  2. Kris March 28, 2014 at 8:17 am #

    Feel better soon!

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:35 pm #

      Thank you so much, Kris! xo, G

  3. Lisa T March 28, 2014 at 8:50 am #

    Praying for your recovery and that you can truly Rest in His Care….

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:35 pm #

      Thank you so much, Lisa! Grateful I can do that. 🙂 G

  4. susan nix March 28, 2014 at 9:07 am #

    Grace,
    Your gifts are so special and your many talents from the Lord….He knows when to stop us in our tracks and refocus. Sometimes it is harder on ones like us that are doers….rest and know your mission field with all of us will resume. For now….focus on getting better, letting your family nurture you, and be calm. You are a gift to all of us but we need you to think of you!
    Saying a prayer for you right now….perfect healing.
    Fondly,
    Susan

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:35 pm #

      Susan, thank you so much for your wise encouragement, I truly appreciate it. I am grateful for your prayers, they have been much needed. I am humbly aware of the mercy I have been given, though I am sure I do not know the full extent. Thanks for reading, G

  5. Robin O March 28, 2014 at 9:08 am #

    Praying for COMPLETE healing and that this is the last surgery & recovery you’ll have to endure. Enjoy the downtime, however frustrating it can be for us go-go-go-type moms!

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:33 pm #

      Robin, thank you so much! You are absolutely right, it has been frustrating at times, but I haven’t fought it this time as much as I have in the past. Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. xo, G

  6. Emily March 28, 2014 at 9:33 am #

    Grace,
    I just love you to bits. Truly, I feel so lucky to have found you and your blog. You are an amazing woman with so many gifts. Gifts I don’t even know about, as I only have see small glimpses into your world. You are right. You must fill your cup up first.
    Sending you a warm blanket of love and healing thoughts.

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:32 pm #

      Emily, right back at ya. 🙂 I’m so thankful for you and for your constant support. I really appreciate the time you take to be an encouragement and share your thoughts. xo, G PS – thanks for the blanket 😉

  7. Lisa March 28, 2014 at 9:37 am #

    Grace, I usually read your posts via email but wanted to pop over today to say how sorry I am for your health as of late and I hope you are on the path now to full recovery. I’m sure you are frustrated but you have a wonderful outlook and hopefully that will aid in you getting better. Best wishes of wellness to you!!!

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:31 pm #

      Lisa, thank you so much for popping over! I always appreciate it when someone takes the time to write a little note. I read them all and usually respond to every one. Thank you for the well wishes! xo, G

  8. Elaine j. Williams March 28, 2014 at 9:45 am #

    From a newly retired RN, who now has time to read your blog; “listen to your body!” If you listen really attentively, like you care for and about everything else in your life it will tell you when you’re ready for the next steps in your recovery. Invest in yourself so you can better invest in your family and work when you’re ready.

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:30 pm #

      Elaine, you are so right! I have definitely taken the time this go round to think more about myself and how I’m feeling versus worrying about what everyone needs from me. I think it has made a difference for sure! Thank you so much for your comment and support, G

  9. Caroline March 28, 2014 at 9:48 am #

    Grace,

    I am so sorry you’ve had to undergo such a foray of surgeries, but I’m hopeful all of those surgeries will get you to a place of health! You are so right in that you owe yourself the time to heal!

    Sending much love your way!
    Caroline

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:28 pm #

      Caroline, thank you so much! I am healing slowly but surely and feeling more comfortable by the day! So glad to know you. 🙂 xo, G

  10. Angelique March 28, 2014 at 10:36 am #

    man! i am so sorry all of this has happened! such a good realization to have…appreciate the constant in our lives and slow down.

    beautifully written and so glad you are on the mend!
    Love,
    Lique

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:27 pm #

      Oh Lique!! Thanks so much for your comment. It is so good to hear from you, and you know I will love you forever. xo, G

  11. Susan M. March 28, 2014 at 10:45 am #

    You have been and will be missed — but of utmost importance is that you take care of yourself. We’ll be here when you are feeling up to it, whether that be six weeks or six months.

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:27 pm #

      Hi Susan, I have missed you guys, too. Writing everyday is such a normal part of my life now. It has felt a little weird to not be doing it. I should be back next week with a daily post unless something dramatic happens. Thanks so much for reading, G

  12. Adrienne March 28, 2014 at 10:54 am #

    I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve experienced. I’m just a faithful reader, but I guess that makes us webby friends of sorts – and I wouldn’t wish any of my friends to go through what you have. And of course, here’s to a speedy recovery! Don’t worry about us, your webby friends will still be here whenever you come back 🙂

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:25 pm #

      Adrienne, hi webby friend. 🙂 Thank you so much for your kind words and for being a faithful reader. I so appreciate your virtual hug. xo, G

  13. Amy March 28, 2014 at 12:30 pm #

    In hearing your commitment to allow yourself to heal and learn to let go, I can’t help but think of the book “A Gift from the Sea” by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. It gives me strength and a new sense of self awareness every time I read it. Best of luck for a healthy recovery, regardless of time and pressure (internal and external)! Although I must say…I have missed your blogging and look forward to your return;)

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:25 pm #

      Amy, I’m definitely going to have to check that out! I do love to read. I’m so glad you enjoy reading here, I enjoy writing to you! xo, G

  14. Elizabeth @ The Little Black Door March 28, 2014 at 1:05 pm #

    My dear Grace I am so sorry you have had to suffer through all of this pain and hospital life. My prayers are that you are finally on the mend and will be pain free soon. Your attitude and outlook are amazing. Rest and enjoy that sweet family!

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:24 pm #

      Elizabeth, thank you so much for the comment! I am grateful for your support, I am getting better and better! xo, G

  15. Kristin March 28, 2014 at 2:17 pm #

    My sweet sweet friend. I am truly glad that you are taking the time you need to heal from this madness over the past year. Anyone who has met you knows what a treasure you are & we will all be here when you are. Rest, heal & relax. Good things are headed your way.

    xo – K

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:23 pm #

      Kristin, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I’m so happy to have you as a friend! Your sweet words mean so much to me. xo, G

  16. Stephanie March 28, 2014 at 2:42 pm #

    I know we don’t know each other, but I’ve been reading your blog for a little while and I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I’ll be keeping you in my prayers. I can relate on a smaller scale (3 surgeries in 3 years) and am so glad you’re able to rest and ease back into things as you’re up to them. Praying for your complete healing!

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:21 pm #

      Hi Stephanie, what a great site you have! Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers, I truly appreciate them. Thanks for reading! xo, G

  17. cassie {hi sugarplum} March 28, 2014 at 2:51 pm #

    Sweet Grace…I hope you’ve had the last of your surgeries, and you’re feeling strong and well soon! I do hope you get more couch time in the years to come…bc we all need that! xoxoxo

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:19 pm #

      Cassie, thanks so much, friend. I hope it’s my last, too! The seventh time is the charm, right? 🙂 Let’s do lunch soon! xo, G

  18. Diane March 28, 2014 at 5:32 pm #

    Oh Grace! And a perfect name I might add. Beautiful post. Take care of yourself and your beautiful family…everything else is just “stuff”. Glad to hear you are on the mend.

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:18 pm #

      Diane, thank you! I definitely like my name, although I did not appreciate its meaning until I was in my twenties. I’m so humbled by the grace I have received in my life and hope I give it as freely as I have received it. xo, G

  19. Debbie Morgan March 28, 2014 at 7:07 pm #

    Grace, i’m glad you are okay. I can relate as there have been times in my life the Lord has slowed me down to sit still only and hear his “still small voice.” I consider you a web friend too and wish i was closer and could help you with some of the great exciting projects you have going on.!!

  20. Mary March 28, 2014 at 9:02 pm #

    Grace, you are lovely. Enjoy your energy and your positive outlook. Your readers do!

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:16 pm #

      Mary, thank you so much. Being positive is something I have always been good at. 🙂 It can be a blessing and sometimes a curse, ha! Thanks for your comment, G

  21. Nanette March 28, 2014 at 9:38 pm #

    Wishing you a healthy recovery! Sometimes there are benefits to having to slow down…try to enjoy the special attention!

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:15 pm #

      Nanette, absolutely! I am so thankful to be surrounded by people who have shown me a lot of graciousness. I don’t relish “special attention”, but it’s not so bad sometimes. 🙂

  22. Suzanne March 29, 2014 at 8:19 am #

    I never comment on these things, but thought I must today. First let me say, I enjoy your blog very much, and read every post. As for your current situation, I admire your bravery and sincerity….not to mention, strength! I hope you recover quickly, and for good this time! My thoughts are with you and your family.

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:13 pm #

      Suzanne, what a kind comment! Thank you so much. I’m so glad you commented. 🙂 Also, I appreciate your encouragement. To be honest, it was a bit difficult to put all of that information “out there”, and believe it or not, I did get some negative feedback! But I felt it was appropriate to be honest. Thanks again, G

  23. Tiffany March 30, 2014 at 8:18 pm #

    You are so strong and brave. Hang in there lady, we are all with ya. xox

    • Grace April 4, 2014 at 12:09 pm #

      Thanks sweet Tiffany! xo

  24. Ginna April 6, 2014 at 11:09 am #

    I was just catching up on your blog when I read this post. I had no idea you were going through all of this. Thank you for you brave and honest sharing. It is wonderful to hear you are healing and to know of your new focus and insight about protecting yourself. I think as moms we so often forget to do that. Beautiful blog.

    • Grace April 8, 2014 at 9:45 pm #

      Hi Ginna, you are so sweet to take the time to comment. It’s not something I love talking about so I didn’t bring it up when you guys were here. 🙂 It was kind of freeing to be so honest about what was going on, even though I was unsure about it at first. I’m definitely moving slowly and trying to move at the right pace. Hope you all are doing great. We think of you so often! xo, G

Leave a Reply:

Gravatar Image